Playing hooky!

One of our daughters has just completed Level 2 in counselling skills. Whilst I am so proud of her, I am slightly concerned that I am now undergoing some kind of psycho-analysis into the sayings I randomly come out with....however, I was quite honoured to hear that she had shared with her class that I was her 'Super-Ego'  - apparently the angel on her shoulder, guiding and directing her thoughts and moves, only to be told that this was not always a good thing and she is now learning to challenge this inner voice!

Now that got me wondering...I often hear my own mum's voice on my shoulder telling me what I shouldn't be doing (always for my own good). It usually happens during the daytime when I pick up my knitting or a book to read - that guilty feeling that I shouldn't be enjoying myself indulging in leisurely pursuits, as there is always 'work' to do!

So you can imagine the battle that was going on with my super- ego the morning I decided it was about time I learnt how to crochet properly.

I was ready! Laptop on (for my first tutorial), crochet hook in hand and a cheap ball of wool and it was only 9 o'clock in the morning! 

Whatever would my mum think?? 

Well what happened next I can only describe as a disaster! 

I have dodgy knees and a 'wonky' finger, (the technical term is osteo-arthritis) but what most of you don't know, is that since our move up here to Scotland my arthritis has flared up big time. Fellow arthritis buddies - you will understand that some days are great and other days are just no-goers. Well this particular day was a no-goer. 

I don't know why David thought my pain and partial loss of functionality was an amusing photo opportunity!

I knew I wouldn't be going out anywhere until my joints eased up, so decided to watch a tutorial on how to crochet properly.

I could do this,  it looks so simple.....well....how wrong I was...

I was trying to wrap the yarn around my fingers creating enough tension to control the wool with my left hand (wonky finger hand) whilst manoeuvring the hook in my right hand (when yes, I am left handed!) This all proved too much. I was so disappointed. I got cross with myself and my arthritis - it was a complete disaster. 

Then, I heard that super-ego voice on my shoulder  .."if you are well enough to crochet, you're well enough to get up and do some work!" 
What was I doing? Basically I was skiving, I was playing hooky from my 'work' in more ways than one! Maybe that's why it was a disaster?


It was at this point I began to take stock, why did I feel guilty? Did it go terribly wrong because I chose to learn a new skill rather than clean the loo? No, how ridiculous. It went wrong because of my limited dexterity on that particular day. 
Not to be defeated, I picked up the hook and yarn again, and kept going. Miraculously, a combination of prayer, pain relief and persistence eased my joints to the point where I could venture out.

A walk down to the wee knitting shop in Troon, of course - where else? 









Here I met Edna who told me about the "ergonomically designed crochet hook" - great for people with arthritis. 

So of course I had to buy one. 




Oh and a little more wool...you can never have too much wool...

Now I must point out, this crochet hook has become my best friend. 

The way I hold my wool isn't as the tutorial suggested, but I have found my own way, and it works for me.
I was off! Confidence growing I thought I would try a new design - a solid granny square. I had mastered a lovely neat 'chain stitch', and was now onto the 'treble' this was amazing, the more I worked, the less painful my fingers became. I was hooked! (excuse the pun!). 

Now I needed a project. What better than a baby blanket! 
Perfect - we had bought a travel cot for when our grandson, Ezra visited; so a cot blanket would be a great first project. I would need 64 crocheted squares. 

Day after day, whenever I had a spare minute I would pick up my hook and yarn and crochet away - I was so proud of myself - and my fingers were still pain free - this was amazing. With a week to go before Ezra arrived, my 64 squares were nearly complete...

I just needed to choose a border colour ....

Which colour?     Might need to take a vote....

Shortlisted to these two.....

Decision made...

Now to crochet them together.....

Noooooooooo............what has gone wrong? They don't marry up. How has that happened? 

In my enthusiasm I had forgotten to concentrate on counting...every side of every square should have increased by 4 stitches on every round - not mine - sadly there was an odd three and on occasions even a few 5 additional stitches!
Discussing my dilemma with David, didn't really help, although I really do admire his faith in me at times...."I am sure you can sort it out, you usually do, can't you just sew them together and make them fit" 

There was only one way to solve the problem

Unravel and start again!

What was I thinking? This was the last day of April, and John, Rebecca and Ezra were due to arrive in 12 days time! There was no way that I, a beginner, could unravel every square, re-start and complete the whole project in 12 days.
Previously I would not have had the patience to do this, but I decided to persevere....and I am so glad that I did.

Ta da! 

Only one day late!

 and.... WOW - what an achievement! 
(even if I do say so myself)

and was it worth it?

It certainly was!

I think I can now call myself a 'maker'

As I was reflecting on this whole experience of listening to the voice on my shoulder, making something, unravelling, re-starting and completing -  I began to think how much this could be like like our relationship with God. 

Whose is the dominant voice on your shoulder? 
I would love to live up to peoples expectations of that stereotypical perfect Pastor's wife and say it was God's voice all the time. Nevertheless, I am far from stereotypical and far from perfect, and am now wondering whether at certain times it is the Super-Ego voice that takes over. 
So on my spiritual journey, how can I make sure that God's voice is the dominant voice? (oooh I feel another blog developing.. )

And what about the making?

I thought I had a good analogy - God was the maker of all things perfect...and it is us that messes up.
As I was sharing my thoughts with David, he warned about the danger of trying to make analogies fit, as they will nearly always fall down somewhere along the way. 


This got me thinking that if I was likening the 'Maker'  to God in my crochet project, then that suggests He had made several mistakes in the initial creation.....oh no!! Now that's blown my analogy! 
Why didn't I think of that before starting this blog? I can't use that comparison now....

I suppose that's why David does what he does and I ...well ... I try.....









Then there's the unravelling to be done...

As I was unravelling endless pieces of wool, and at times getting it into those fiddly, stubborn knots (you know the ones I mean).  I was thinking how many times I have needed and continue to need 
'unravelling'.

 Maybe some of us need unravelling from the past, from mistakes so often made, from wrong thoughts and attitudes. 

Then a light bulb moment - !! 

All this unravelling ultimately gives control back to the maker! (Using my original analogy of God being the perfect 'maker').

And what about those knots? 
I usually give up with the knots and at times have been known to carry on regardless, trying to hide them - no-one will ever know -  if I can get them to move to the 'wrongside' of the garment - no-one will see them, the finished item will look fine on the surface.
 BUT - I know they are there - the item isn't perfect. I am hiding the stubborn knots in pretence that they don't exist. 



This got me thinking - are there 'knots' in our lives at the moment that we are hiding from others? Pretending they don't exist? The 'Maker' knows they are there and they need to be dealt with.

Re-starting and completing

Re-starting reminded me how God allows us to start over again

This was the mountain of 64 squares which all needed to be undone! The task to me was overwhelming - I couldn't possibly sort this mess out! 

Yet - we can come to Him in a complete mess, and have the slate wiped clean, 

totally unravelled. 

and then, and only then, we can be made perfect and complete in Him.

 We are born into a sinful world, and it's only through the undoing,

 that we are restored to perfection. 

So how do I end a blog like this? It started off as a blog about dodgy fingers and crochet...but somewhere along the way it ended up with me once again returning to my God time. 

Well I could conclude, by saying that daily crocheting has resolved the arthritis problem in my fingers....I have been pain free now for 11 weeks!  I have found what I need to do to keep the pain away, and now know exactly what everyone might be getting for Christmas and birthday presents in the future - Granny blankets are the way forward! 

On the other hand I could conclude by saying that perserverance pays off...ooh I sound like my mum again!

But maybe, just maybe I can leave you with a few thoughts....

Whose is the dominant voice on your shoulder? Are you ready for some unravelling? Are there knots in your life that you are hiding from others  - and can they be undone? Is it time to re-start and find completeness putting the perfect 'Maker' in control?